Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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