I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
