I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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