He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
