I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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