I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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