youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
