Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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