Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
