oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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