I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
