you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't deserve a penis
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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