i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
