We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
