i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
