i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
