Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
