You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my poor anus
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
