all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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