craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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