You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
