I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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