Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
