Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
