Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
