That's intense
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
