you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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