We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
