Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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