I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
