Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
