dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
