i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
