What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
