No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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