Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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