I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
