Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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