So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
