her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
