worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
