and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
