I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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