if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
