She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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