Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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