Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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