Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
