I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
