I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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