I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
