dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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