so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
