did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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