I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
