He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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